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Posts Tagged ‘parenting’

Hello everyone. I’m still on break, but I discovered this article while reading several reputable and not so reputable news sources. My schedule this semester is pretty full, so I have yet to determine a good time for me to post on a continual basis. However, this academic semester has started of well, and I look forward to continually providing my poor and possibly useless commentary to an audience who may or may not exist.

Several things to look out for:

1) The State of the Union Address (for the United States of America), is this Wednesday. I encourage all of you to listen to it or watch it (probably the latter). I think it is extremely relevant to any person who lives in America. Many people have been complaining about the continual war, or asking questions like: “What is the country doing to fix the economy?” Well, this is a perfect time for people to learn what topic the president is actually concentrating on. Is he putting all his efforts into supporting a health care bill, or is he concentrating more on the new supreme court ruling? Liking politics or not is immaterial at this point. It’s about knowing what is actually going on, and being educated enough to recognize the importance of finding things out for yourself.

Besides, I always found it was rather stupid that people liked to make commentary about what they knew near-nothing about. For example, people who love American Democracy without realizing that American runs on a Republic system. Or commentating on the “international free market” when it doesn’t exist. Or complaining about the American economy without doing a little research. Reading blogs (even mine) may be insightful, but I would hardly consider it research.

2) I’m going to try cutting back on the actual length of my posts. Usually, my rants will last about 1000 words, which is good (I suppose) for people with nothing better to do. But, I feel it is more beneficial for me to learn how to write less while still relaying the same amount of information than it is to write whatever the hell I want for over 9000 (yes, I went there) words.

Course, it didn’t really work today, because I’ve seem to have hit past my intended mark of 500 today. Man do I need to shorten these “precursor complaints.”

‘Oral sex’ definition prompts dictionary ban in US schools – Guardian.co.uk

I understand if an elementary school wants to ban Catcher in the Rye, or if a public school is comfortable with carrying, say, copies of playboy. Heck, I even understand how a protected/limited search engine would ban you from searching for Shel Silverstein (although it is more of a “I can see people programming this poorly” than as an actual ban). But dictionaries? Because they contain definitions of sexually explicit words?

Please, like you would use the word coitus to explain how you created your child in the first place.

I thought it was interesting how parents dream of their kids growing old and getting married and possibly having kids of their own, when the very same parents are terrified that their child will learn (oh goodness, that dreaded word), about SEX. Yes, perhaps kids shouldn’t learn about sex when they’re 4 or 5, but they’ll have to understand what it is eventually. Children do grow up. Many will have sex eventually, probably far before you realize they’ve lose their virginity. Trying to remove all possible relations to any connotation of sexual interaction will only serve to feed their ignorance. Or, encourage their rebellion.

When will it be time to teach a child about sex? As much as we would like to think that “they’ll just know” or “we’ll know when they’re mature enough,” the world does not work that way. There is no telepathic connection that sends a signal to your brain that says “your child is ready to know about sex.” By continually viewing children as, well, children who are incapable of “understanding” the complexities of sex, not only will children realize they can no longer learn from their parents, but they will move onto other sources. Perhaps not so wonderful sources (unless you guys seem to believe that music videos and dictionaries are a good way to educate children about sex).

Which leads me to another question. When it is time for a child to learn about sex, where will he or she learn it? The school? A dictionary? The side of a cigarette carton? I’d hope not. I would think that children would be able to trust their parents enough, at whatever age they are at, to learn about what sex is. Perhaps, if more parents took the time to explain sex without either avoiding it or depending on other sources to teach it, we would have fewer pregnant preteens.

In any case, it is ridiculous to have the notion that your child will always and forever be pure and free of sexual thoughts and influences. By educating and teaching your child when they ask about sex (whether they discover it through a dictionary or a friend), you (as a parent or future parent) will be able to explain what sex is before they think that sex is something akin to a mash of hentai, playboy, rap videos and dictionary explanations.

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Hello everyone. I am on vacation, which is a rare chance for me. Currently, I am typing away from Florida, after an amazing visit to Disney World. If you have enough money and time on your hands, I encourage you to go. It was really quite amazing. But bring good shoes. I don’t think my feet will ever be the same again.

I also had a really spectacular New Years. It’s pretty funny, I left NYC for Orlando, and I spent my New Years Day watching the ball drop from NYC. Way to shove it in my face that NYC is great during the winter season.

Currently Reading: Out of My Mind by Andy Rooney
Currently Eating: Nothing
Currently Drinking: Mountain Dew (MTN DEW)
Currently Listening To: A Girl Worth Fighting For (Mulan, Disney)
Currently Located: Florida
Current Mood: Childlike, giddy, relaxed, happy 😀

This weekend, I had the distinct pleasure of visiting Orlando, Florida. And, as a result, I had the equally distinct pleasure of GOING TO DISNEY WORLD FOR THREE DAYS. It was particularly interesting because my last visit to Disney World was a family vacation. Disney world, as a theme park, is an especially popular place to take children on vacation, and it is rather interesting to see how parents interacted with their children. Everyone thinks of Disney World as the “happiest place on Earth.” After all, the park encourages you to smile till your face falls off. And yet, my memories of Disney World (and many other family vacations in areas that encourage family vacationing) are filled with bad memories.

The problem with most family vacations is that, although the parents intend on making it a vacation, parents also want to make the most out of their time by making sure their children sees everything! This results in a lot of running from sight to sight, rushing through food, complaining at someone when things go wrong, and getting into fights with other parents who are doing the same thing. Instead of taking the time as an actual vacation (you know, to relax), parents feel rushed to finish everything and make sure their children get to “do what their kids want to do,” even though their kids don’t know what they want to ride on, or see. As a result, the parents just try to do everything. And while we don’t know what kids want to do, we know what they don’t want to do: rush around and bump into things while their parents fight over what to do next.

Another problem with family vacations (and parenting as a while) is that parents like to use their children as a way to “extend” their dreams. Rather than the child living as an individual, the parent lives vicariously through their offspring (I’m sure plenty of you guys know THAT feeling). On a larger, lifestyle scale, this is when a parent forces a child to pick up an occupation that “I’ve always wanted to do as a child and never got to,” or when the parent makes the child attend a college of the parent’s choosing. On a smaller, theme park scale, this is when a parent drags a child to a ride because the parent really wants to go on it, or makes the child take pictures with characters that the child might not want to take pictures with (this was especially popular with my family, who forced both my brother and I to take pictures with every character that came within vision). The child gets really frustrated, because s/he doesn’t want to do all these crazy (and possibly scary) things, and the parents get frustrated because they thought that’s what the kid wanted to do (“because that’s what I always wanted to do as a kid”) and the action resulted in more stress and more crazy/upset children.

This leaves the family with a rather unpleasant vacation, full of dragging, screaming, crying and unhappy memories. Another family vacation, ruined.

In hindsight, I realize that a lot of this stuff could have been avoided by taking me on vacation to places at a slightly older age, and to places that actually had stuff to do. Families that brought their children when they were older (and not between the ages of 2 and 6) avoided the hassle of using strollers (there was a ton of “stroller parking lots” in Disney World) and encouraged a family-vacation atmosphere by allowing their kids to choose what they wanted to do (because kids were able to make decisions on their own by that point). Children were able to vocalize when they were doing things too fast, or when they didn’t want to go on a particularly scary ride (this doesn’t actually mean that the parents listened…. another major problem with family vacations). Children were also able to better appreciate areas like Epcot that were geared towards a slightly older audience, and they had a slightly better patience for long lines.

The nice part about Disney World is that some parts are geared towards a younger audience. Even in a park such as MGM Hollywood Studios (where there were increased thrill rides and older-movie references), there were places that were specifically geared towards the younger audience. In other family vacationing spots, such as a city like San Fransisco or Washington DC, there is a lot more stress with regards to planning to do everything and a lot more of those “things” are adult-oriented. I wonder what family vacations are like in New York City, with parents dragging their kids to Times Square, the Statue of Liberty and the tons of museums, all the while having to deal with their kids whining about the walk and trying to understand the rather confusing subway system (I don’t think it’s really that confusing, but I’m sure that’s just because I’ve lived there the majority of my life). The worst tourists to deal with in the city are the family vacationers, since the parents are in a continual state of stress and anxiety, and the kids are always complaining and screaming.

With all the stress that comes with “I need my kid to see the world,” it’s no wonder that every child always wants to go on vacation with their friends, rather than with their crazy parents.

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Bah, so I’m sorry for not posting. As always, I’m up to my neck with work. I had a NEACURH conference last weekend, and this coming weekend is the District Convention for NYCKI (all these acronyms!). It’s been a lot of organizing and planning and last minute work, so I really apologize for not being able to post as often and as long as I’d want to.

Also, I’m wearing glasses! I don’t have any contacts left (I’m getting them shipped up to me), so I’ve been roaming around with glasses, which has been very odd for me. I’ll try to take a picture or two when I remember.

Ahh. So something to blog about… *tries to think about something that’s been bothering her lately*

I’ve been really running a blank about thinks to complain about (economics, politics, women and bad hair are consistently on that list). If anyone has any new ideas, feel free to tell me ( ;D ). This post will act as my Sunday post.

Currently Listening: Love Song (Sara Bareilles)
Currently Watching: Dollhouse
Currently Playing: Trauma Center
Currently Drinking: Pepsi Cherry
Current Mood: CKI-mode (aka, stressed)

I’ve been taking a look at myself recently (I know a lot of people have been in that self-reflective state), and wondering what it is that has made me the way I am. And not the good aspects, or the bad ones, just… me being myself, I suppose.

Within this self-reflection, I realized that one of the big reasons why I feel such an urge to do community service, especially with kids, is because I’ve always felt that I’ve lacked some kind of childhood. A good one, anyway. I always had to take care of the home, take care of my brother, and take care of living to the point where I had become an adult at some obscenely young age. I guess it’s personally upsetting to think that other kids have to live the same way I did.

It sucks to know that kids are growing up faster and faster each day, and sometimes not in the right way. There are far too many kids with parents who are either too strict or too lenient. The ones who are too lenient are scared about becoming strict because their child would grow away from them. The ones who are too strict are scared that their child is going to stick their toe out of the god damned line.

Perhaps it was a good thing that I grew up too fast. I knew the ways of right and wrong by learning them myself.

But anyway, the immaturity of teenagers, students, kids (whatever you call them) is not due to parents being too strict, or too loose. They’re simply just WRONG about taking care of kids. They’re scared that the child is going to be “molded” the wrong way. That’s not to say that I think I’m an expert on taking care of kids. Far from it. I just think there are a lot of things that parents, mine included, do wrong. Then they blame the school, or the surroundings, when in fact, it is their inability to listen to their child’s need and inability to see their child as a person (rather than as their child).

Your child is not an extension of yourself.

Yes, your child is your family. Your flesh and blood, and you are his/her caretaker. But the child is not you. By pushing your desires onto your child, you’re not teaching him/her. You’re choking your child. You’re essentially forcing yourself upon your child (mind rape?).

The children who are products of bad parenting can be easily categorized. Here are some examples (there are mixtures of them):

The Brat – Sweet 16-type kids who are spoiled beyond belief and think they can have everything their way
The Rebel – Kids who decide to completely stray away from their parents and do things because their parents don’t want them to.
The Closet Case – Kids who are socially isolated from society and will not know how to deal with “going out into the world” (I always think of college students who can’t do laundry)
The Clinger – Daddy’s Little Girl or Mama’s Boy -type. I separated them from Closet Cases because I think of Clingers as not “socially unaware,” just clingy.
The Dream – Children who are forced into an occupation (singer, lawyer, doctor) because that was their parent’s aspirations.

And beyond just being categorized, there are simply tons of problems with bad parenting, and they go from one end of the spectrum to the other. For example, a child may be so angry with her parents that she will choose to never speak to her parents. In that situation, family bonds are completely severed. On the other end, there could be a child that is so dependent on his parents that he’ll be living with them till he’s 35… and then some.

One of the bigger reasons why I complain about the parenting and not the child himself/herself is because not all bad parenting results in bad children. I know plenty of beaten and abused kids who turn out to be wonderful people, and plenty of spoiled kids who are aware of how spoiled they are and appreciate how their parents love them (AND learn to take responsibilities in other fields, like in extracurricular activities). But I also know that all these kids could have turned out terribly were it not for good friends, a good environment in school, or plain luck. Besides, it is the parent that worries about parenting at the age of 12, not the child.

I’m no parent, but at least I know some rights and wrongs of taking care of children simply by being around kids, and parents and mixes of both.

And, off topic, I don’t intend on being a parent for many a year.

For a topic like this, I feel like I can’t rant without giving some solutions to how you can avoid bad parenting (although I doubt any of you readers are parents anyway! *haha*):

– Don’t judge your child based off what he or she does. Just because your child got a 65 on his exam doesn’t mean he’s a bad or rebellious student, and that you should beat him.
– Learn to say no. The kid has to learn that there are some things he or she simply cannot have.
– Teach responsibility. Have the child take care of chores (or a pet) and give them good and bad consequences for responsibility (or lack of).
– Balance work and play. Your child is not a robot who can work on dance steps, vocals and math all the time.
– Don’t feel bad taking away things. This goes along with the “Learn to say no” and “Balance work and play.”
– Punish bad behavior. The whole fucking world is obsessed with “Award good behavior” and all that stuff, but people neglect punishing kids for bad behavior. It’s the forever-forgotten other side.
– Listen. This applies more and more as your child grows. A child does not simply mature in body (breasts, periods, deeper voices), but in mind. It is important to let that child develop his or her own ideas.

I mean there are tons more, and there are tons of (badly written) books on parenting. One of my biggest suggestions is to take a look at your childhood, and how you’ve grown, then reflect on what you took away from such a childhood.

And, for all you college students, DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT GETTING PREGNANT. ;D

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