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Posts Tagged ‘abuse’

Bah, so I’m sorry for not posting. As always, I’m up to my neck with work. I had a NEACURH conference last weekend, and this coming weekend is the District Convention for NYCKI (all these acronyms!). It’s been a lot of organizing and planning and last minute work, so I really apologize for not being able to post as often and as long as I’d want to.

Also, I’m wearing glasses! I don’t have any contacts left (I’m getting them shipped up to me), so I’ve been roaming around with glasses, which has been very odd for me. I’ll try to take a picture or two when I remember.

Ahh. So something to blog about… *tries to think about something that’s been bothering her lately*

I’ve been really running a blank about thinks to complain about (economics, politics, women and bad hair are consistently on that list). If anyone has any new ideas, feel free to tell me ( ;D ). This post will act as my Sunday post.

Currently Listening: Love Song (Sara Bareilles)
Currently Watching: Dollhouse
Currently Playing: Trauma Center
Currently Drinking: Pepsi Cherry
Current Mood: CKI-mode (aka, stressed)

I’ve been taking a look at myself recently (I know a lot of people have been in that self-reflective state), and wondering what it is that has made me the way I am. And not the good aspects, or the bad ones, just… me being myself, I suppose.

Within this self-reflection, I realized that one of the big reasons why I feel such an urge to do community service, especially with kids, is because I’ve always felt that I’ve lacked some kind of childhood. A good one, anyway. I always had to take care of the home, take care of my brother, and take care of living to the point where I had become an adult at some obscenely young age. I guess it’s personally upsetting to think that other kids have to live the same way I did.

It sucks to know that kids are growing up faster and faster each day, and sometimes not in the right way. There are far too many kids with parents who are either too strict or too lenient. The ones who are too lenient are scared about becoming strict because their child would grow away from them. The ones who are too strict are scared that their child is going to stick their toe out of the god damned line.

Perhaps it was a good thing that I grew up too fast. I knew the ways of right and wrong by learning them myself.

But anyway, the immaturity of teenagers, students, kids (whatever you call them) is not due to parents being too strict, or too loose. They’re simply just WRONG about taking care of kids. They’re scared that the child is going to be “molded” the wrong way. That’s not to say that I think I’m an expert on taking care of kids. Far from it. I just think there are a lot of things that parents, mine included, do wrong. Then they blame the school, or the surroundings, when in fact, it is their inability to listen to their child’s need and inability to see their child as a person (rather than as their child).

Your child is not an extension of yourself.

Yes, your child is your family. Your flesh and blood, and you are his/her caretaker. But the child is not you. By pushing your desires onto your child, you’re not teaching him/her. You’re choking your child. You’re essentially forcing yourself upon your child (mind rape?).

The children who are products of bad parenting can be easily categorized. Here are some examples (there are mixtures of them):

The Brat – Sweet 16-type kids who are spoiled beyond belief and think they can have everything their way
The Rebel – Kids who decide to completely stray away from their parents and do things because their parents don’t want them to.
The Closet Case – Kids who are socially isolated from society and will not know how to deal with “going out into the world” (I always think of college students who can’t do laundry)
The Clinger – Daddy’s Little Girl or Mama’s Boy -type. I separated them from Closet Cases because I think of Clingers as not “socially unaware,” just clingy.
The Dream – Children who are forced into an occupation (singer, lawyer, doctor) because that was their parent’s aspirations.

And beyond just being categorized, there are simply tons of problems with bad parenting, and they go from one end of the spectrum to the other. For example, a child may be so angry with her parents that she will choose to never speak to her parents. In that situation, family bonds are completely severed. On the other end, there could be a child that is so dependent on his parents that he’ll be living with them till he’s 35… and then some.

One of the bigger reasons why I complain about the parenting and not the child himself/herself is because not all bad parenting results in bad children. I know plenty of beaten and abused kids who turn out to be wonderful people, and plenty of spoiled kids who are aware of how spoiled they are and appreciate how their parents love them (AND learn to take responsibilities in other fields, like in extracurricular activities). But I also know that all these kids could have turned out terribly were it not for good friends, a good environment in school, or plain luck. Besides, it is the parent that worries about parenting at the age of 12, not the child.

I’m no parent, but at least I know some rights and wrongs of taking care of children simply by being around kids, and parents and mixes of both.

And, off topic, I don’t intend on being a parent for many a year.

For a topic like this, I feel like I can’t rant without giving some solutions to how you can avoid bad parenting (although I doubt any of you readers are parents anyway! *haha*):

– Don’t judge your child based off what he or she does. Just because your child got a 65 on his exam doesn’t mean he’s a bad or rebellious student, and that you should beat him.
– Learn to say no. The kid has to learn that there are some things he or she simply cannot have.
– Teach responsibility. Have the child take care of chores (or a pet) and give them good and bad consequences for responsibility (or lack of).
– Balance work and play. Your child is not a robot who can work on dance steps, vocals and math all the time.
– Don’t feel bad taking away things. This goes along with the “Learn to say no” and “Balance work and play.”
– Punish bad behavior. The whole fucking world is obsessed with “Award good behavior” and all that stuff, but people neglect punishing kids for bad behavior. It’s the forever-forgotten other side.
– Listen. This applies more and more as your child grows. A child does not simply mature in body (breasts, periods, deeper voices), but in mind. It is important to let that child develop his or her own ideas.

I mean there are tons more, and there are tons of (badly written) books on parenting. One of my biggest suggestions is to take a look at your childhood, and how you’ve grown, then reflect on what you took away from such a childhood.

And, for all you college students, DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT GETTING PREGNANT. ;D

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